Actual Product Warnin g Labels

In our increasingly litigious society, consumer product warning labels have become more and more absurd as manufacturers try to avoid all possiblelawsuits.  Additionally, items manufactured in other countries sometimes have labels that get a little lost in the translation.  Below are some of our favorites.

On a washing machine:
"Do not put any person in this washer."
No matter how dirty they are!

On a bottle of Liquid Plumber:
 "Do not use bottle to store beverages."
BRB - Have to go unpack the kid's lunches.

On a digital thermometer:
"Do not use orally after using rectally."

On a bottle of silver polish:
"Contains thiourea, a chemical known to cause cancer in the State of California.
Thank God I don't live in California!

On a can of non-stick cooking spray:
"Never spray directly on oven."

For when you don't have a cookie sheet?

On a magazine rack from China:
"To avoid burning keep out of fire."
"Do not let too many magazines in. "
Back! Get back, you magazines!

On an electric cattle prod:
For use on animals only.
What about magazines?

On a blanket from Taiwan:
"Not to be used as protection from a tornado."
Great for all other natural disasters, though.

Warning on fireplace log:
Caution -- Risk of Fire.
I was kind of hoping so.

On a fireplace lighter:
Do not use near fire, flame or sparks.

A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists:
Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

Warning on an electric router made for carpenters:
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Make sure you alert your dentist to this one.

On a bottle of shampoo for dogs:
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
What prompted this?  Did somebody try it?

On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
As opposed to . . . ?

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions - open packet, eat nuts.
Were they getting a lot of questions?

On a hotel provided shower cap:
Fits one head.

On Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

Warning on a cartridge for a laser printer:
Do not eat toner.> No matter how tasty it looks!

Can of self-defense pepper spray warns:
"May irritate eyes."

Warning on a Conair Pro Style 1600 hair dryer:
"Do not use in shower. Never use while sleeping."
Well, when can I use it, then?

On Silly Putty package warning:
"Not for use as earplugs."

On a baby stroller:
"Remove child before folding."
Child should be folded separately.

On a household iron:
"Never iron clothes while they are being worn." 

On a handheld massager:
"Don't use while sleeping or unconscious."

On a cardboard car sun shield:
"Do not drive with sun shield in place."
Was this ever a problem?

On a sharpening stone:
"Knives are sharp."
Before I use the stone or after?

On a box of rat poison:
Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
Shouldn't it cause death in labratory mice?

On a toilet bowl cleaning brush:
Do not use orally.
What can you even say to that one?

On a can of air freshener:
Keep out of reach of children and teenagers.
This label should be on everything.  Everywhere.

On a rubber ball:
Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.

On a package of dice:
Not for human consumption.

In the manual of a chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand or genitals.
Are there any body parts that are OK to use?

On the barrel of a .22 caliber rifle:
Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.
Proper use may cause injury or death.

On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack:
Remove plastic before eating.
Tastes the same with or without.

On a TV remote controller:
Not dishwasher safe.

On a CD-Player:
"Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."
May be used for additional weight on your iron maiden, though.

On a box of birthday candles:
"DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity."
Is this lit or unlit? 

On novelty rock garden:
"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth."
Eating glass may lead to bleeding gums.

On a packet of juggling balls:
"This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA."
How about Australia?

On a bottle of flavored milk drink:
"After opening, keep upright."

On a Halloween Superman costume:
"This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly."
The leotard, however, does stop bullets.

Eco Facts

An aluminum can is collected, sorted, reformed and back on the shelf within 60 days!

Yarn Globe

Of the roughly 160 million cell phones sold in the US each year, less that 20% are being recycled.